____________________________
You were in radio before 1970 if you
____________________________
Remember Joe Pyne and "Mooo-tual News!"
Threw away the transcription disk players to put in Tapecaster cart
machines.
Can name the Conelrad frequencies.or even remember what Conelrad was.
Worked at a campus radio station that used carrier current transmission on AM.
Managed to pass your "third phone" and took meter readings every thirty
minutes during your on-air shift.or at least faked them.
Think Wolfman Jack or Clint Eastwood in "Play Misty for Me" is the greatest jock of all time.
Can name the first record you played by Elvis or The Beatles.
Wouldn't put a song on the air if it had "damn" or "hell" in the lyrics.
Got your start in the biz doing anything that had to be done at a daytime AM in Bum****, Egypt.
Bleeped out spots for Martini and Rossi vermouth during network newscasts because the station was located in a "dry" county.
Had an opening and closing theme song for your show.
Know what Don Imus did before WFAN and CNBC.
Carried a rate card with only two prices.one for thirties, one for sixties.
Got your first real job in radio on a classical music FM with a total
audience of six people.
Know who Arthur Godfrey was.and probably ran board for his show somewhere.
Worked at a station where somebody who got fired loosened the bolts on the tower guy wires.
Scratched up tracks on an LP or a "B" side with a screwdriver so your jocks couldn't "accidentally" play them on the air.
Quoted ratings from Pulse and Hooper.
Stopped "spinnin' the hits" to join CBS News at the top of the hour.
Worked at a station where the weekend guy was always named Johnny Holiday and the night jock was named Dan Dark so the jingles didn't have to be changed when they ultimately got canned.
Got your on-air "chops" practicing in the production room after midnight.
Brought records from home to play on your show.
Got "hot-lined" by the owner.or the owner's wife.
Ever tried to hoist your station banner to the top of the competitor's
tower.
Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on reel-to-reel tape.
Had a show on the air that didn't fit the station's format at all just
because some sponsor had been buying that slot for years.
Air-checked your show on the big Ampex in the production room.
Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found some of them selling spots for the competition.
______________________________
You were in radio before 1980 if you.
______________________________
Ever had a client tell you that rock or country music would never make it on FM and had an owner or GM who agreed.
Did a promotion to give away FM car-radio converters.
Put a quarter on a tone arm so it wouldn't jump off a warped demo 45 you just had to play and it was the only copy the station got.
Could remember the intro time and the color of the record label on every
song you played but couldn't recite any of the lyrics except the first and
last lines.
Know what PAMS were.
Ever sped up the turntable to get more songs in during an hour and to make the competition sound "draggy."
Worked at a campus radio station that was on FM but ran less than ten watts of power.
Started a 45 at 33 1/3 or vice versa and didn't notice because you were on the phone with a listener of the opposite sex.
Air-checked your show on a boombox beneath the console.
Ever interviewed an artist on the air who was too stoned to be coherent.
Wouldn't put a song on the air that had any of George Carlin's famous words in it but pretty much anything else went.
Know what Erica Farber did before Radio & Records.
Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on a cassette swiped from the sales office or newsroom.
Worked at a station that had a newsroom!
Can remember the first record you played by The Doors or Janis Joplin or the Allman Brothers.
Got your start in the biz running preacher tapes on Sunday morning.
Think either Scott Shannon or that guy in the movie "FM" is the greatest
jock of all time.
Accidentally let a listener say something obscene on the air because you
didn't really have a delay.
Got your on-air "chops" doing a 3 AM-to-5:30 AM shift for minimum wage.
Worked at a station where somebody got fired and, on his way out, ran a
magnet up and down the commercial-cart rack.
Got "hot-lined" by the PD.
Had a customized jingle with your name in it.
Once pretended to (or maybe really did) smoke a joint on the air.
Got your first real job in radio.doing mid-days on an AM easy-listening
station with a total audience of six folks.
Took a trip to a "showcase" at record company expense and never actually got around to hearing the label's act perform.
Worked the overnight shift and had to wake up the morning guy (who was sleeping off a bender on the lobby couch) so he could do his show.
Arranged to meet people of the opposite sex that you talked to on the
request line, but some place where you could see them before they could see you.
Did a remote with a mic amp and a pair of alligator clips connected to the
telephone mouthpiece.
Included the words "FM Stereo" as part of your legal ID.
Watched your music director put colored dots on each record shuck to tell
you which category they belonged in.
Never worked for a station that was not actually licensed to the city where the studio was located.
Paid money for air checks of Don Imus, Don Steele, Cousin Brucie or other big market jocks so you could emulate their style.
Assumed that syndication meant "King Biscuit Flower Hour" and "Earth News."
Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found them working for an FM
station somewhere.
______________________________
You were in radio before 1990 if you.
______________________________
Had to re-dub a seven-minute song to cart because you forgot to run it
through the splice finder first.
Recorded spots on half-inch multi-track.
Ran an EBS test off cart and forgot to punch the tones button on the unit in the rack.
Could take a job at the big rival station across town without being afraid
your old station would buy them next week.
Had a "jock shout" jingle with your name.
Quoted ratings from Birch.
Worked at a campus radio station that played music nobody in the frat houses had ever heard of but that was so-o-o-o cool to you and your friends.
Know what Lee Abrams did before satellite radio.
Got "hot-lined" by the consultant.from poolside at his place in Malibu.
Had your girlfriends/boyfriends aircheck your show at their places so the
processing would make your voice sound better.
Can remember the first record you played by George Strait or Madonna.
Never worked for a station that was actually licensed to the city where the main studio was located.
Thought all records came from the label rep with cash or a small baggie of controlled substance shoved inside the sleeve.
Think Tom Joyner, "The Greaseman," or Dr. Johnny Fever is the greatest jock of all time.
Worked at a station where somebody who got fired put sugar in the gas tank of the station van.
Made sure your music director did a music log on the computer every day but he sometimes forgot to leave the print-out in the control room for the overnight guy.
Ever worked for a station that proudly proclaimed its format to be "Soul,"
"Underground," "Countrypolitan," "Easy Listening," "Disco," or "Hot Hits."
Got your on-air "chops" doing a weekend shift.
Got your first real job in radio.as promotion assistant, washing the van,
delivering registration boxes to sponsor locations, and sorting tee shirts
by size.
Ever had an FCC inspector walk in and tell you to turn the transmitter off
and then back on using the remote control.
Quoted ratings from Accuratings.
Thought "Clear Channel" was an AM frequency that had only one station in the whole country licensed to it.
Try to look up your old on-air staff and find them doing talk radio
somewhere.
__________________________________
You were not in radio until AFTER 1990 if.
__________________________________
The only kind of "vinyl" you know about is the material covering the walls
in the sales lounge.
You think a 45 is some kind of new spot length the corporate guys want you to start selling so they can get more units in a break.
Tape, turntables and cart machines, so far as you know, are only to be found in the Museum of Broadcasting or non-rated Arbitron markets.
You ever airchecked your show from the station's Internet stream.
You tell people your morning show's live and so what if it does come from
Charlotte, Dallas or LA?
You worked at a campus radio station that ran commercials and had a sales staff.
You worked at a station where somebody who got fired re-formatted the hard disk on the Audio Vault computer on his way out.
You can tell clients with a straight face that listeners are more than happy
to sit through twelve commercial units so they can be around for "another
long set of the best music from the 80s, 90s and today."
Your station has a "voice guy" from some other market, an exclusive "promo rep," and almost as many sales "managers" as sales "people."
You know the names and alma maters of all the Mays family.
You instructed a prospective employer to download your aircheck from the Internet as a WAV or MP3.
You know which investment firm handled your group's IPO.
You think Howard Stern is the greatest jock of all time.
You got "hot-lined" by the cluster manager or regional VP of programming.
Your music director does a music log every day but never prints it.it goes
straight to the digital storage computer.
You got your on-air "chops" in the production room after midnight.
You can remember the first song you played by Eminem or Mariah Carey.
You stop by the station at night and there are six on-air studios and not a
soul in the building but you.
You got your first real job in radio.as morning show "producer," dubbing
laugh tracks, fetching coffee, and streaking the mayor's prayer breakfast.
You try to locate your old on-air staff and find most of them are selling
cell phones from a kiosk in the mall.
Nostalgically accumulated by: Don Keith, former radio dude and co-author of the national bestseller FINAL BEARING and GALLANT LADY, both from Forge Books, now available at bookstores everywhere ...
http://www.donkeith.com
Park Seward
WLSU 70-72
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